After reading about Laurie's situated history I began thinking about my mother and father and the struggle it must have been to raise two children on modet salaries. Her situation is somewhat different than mine in that I couldn't categorize my family as struggling financially. We never endured many hardships but all families whether headed by a single parent or a two income family must plan well and provide for their children. What a task this must be. I am still single with no children of my own and often cannot figure out how to make my finances work for just me!
Once again I think back to my studies of Ruby Payne and her research on children living in poverty. Families with different sets of priorities based on economic situations must pull from any resources they can find. When a single mom struggles to provide food, shelter, and clothing (the basics) then her focus may not always be on the emotional and academic needs of her child(ren). It is most important to make sure your child has dinner to eat, and reading bedtime stories or taking time to talk and chat about school may take a back seat so to speak. Not to mention the physical strain placed on working class parents. When someone in the family is sick or not feeling well, a doctor's visit may seem too expensive or a burden.
Children like Laurie who may not be provided with all of the care and personal attention may seek it in other places or from other people and school often feels like a safe place with caring people. Laurie sought companionship and love with her friend Nicholas. She acted as a caretaker, perhaps a role in which she feels a sense of control. In her homelife she may not feel like she has much control over what happens.
As Laurie was diagnosed with ADD in Kindergarten I began thinking that this all really does make sense. Why is there an apparent prevalence of kids with ADD or ADHD in our schools these days? These kids existed when I was in elementary school in the 1970s and 1980s but we didn't call it that. I think about the statistics of the number of single parent households and also grandparents trying to raise their grandchildren. Is it any wonder that we have kids who are confused about roles in the family and their role as a child who is expected to behave in school, make great grades, get along with peers, etc. I do not mean to offend any single parents out there. My sister struggled as a single mother not so long ago and I know first hand how my nephew reacted by a divorce and subsequently acted out a bit in school. I felt sorry for him and tried to help my sister and my nephew with my limited knowledge on ADD.
Laurie it seemed truly tried to do the right thing and behave as a "good little girl" in school and be a teacher pleaser. I wonder what was the real root of her anger at home? Was it frustration with her homelife?
I know we all have had students similar to Laurie. I suppose that the best approach I can take it to get to know my students. Ask about their interests and their beliefs. Make them feel important at school. Give them an extra smile and discover their hidden talents and intelligences.
Comments (6)
Renee,
I agree with you when you stated single working class parents have a difficult task on their hands. It sounds like our sisters have had similar experiences. I grew up in a working class family, but my father was self-employed, and he was very good at managing his money and business. Our family’s needs were met, and there seemed to be extra money for the things we needed and wanted. My mother stayed home most of the time and care for me and my two sisters. She only worked part-times jobs to help once we were in school. She did this primarily for extra Christmas money. My sister is divorced and was laid off from a very good job a couple of years ago. She has shared custody of her two children, so does not receive help from her ex-husband. For the past two years she has struggled financially as she has never been able to secure comparable employment. The stress she is feeling right now is enormous. I have been trying to help her, but it’s difficult as she lives in Michigan (that is where I am from).
Her youngest daughter became very shy and withdrawn during and after the divorce. She is just now starting to come out and it has been six years. There are other issues as she wants to live with my sister full-time and she has to deal with telling her father. The pressure that my nieces felt and are still feeling surrounding the divorce, is something that I will never understand.
I think you are right. A warm smile will go a long way. School may serve as a sanctuary for some children.
Laura
Posted by Laura Wollpert | June 13, 2007 9:22 AM
Posted on June 13, 2007 09:22
Renee,
I agree. I know it is difficult to work finances when you are single. I was single a long time and finances were always difficult. Second jobs were always a neccessity for me. Finances are just always stressful. Your niece's feelings of being a child of divorce may subside with time. I know it is difficult to see that now, but I am sure it will get better.
School is often a sanctuary for children. It is at times the only place a child gets food, love and attention. I hope my students leave the classroom on a daily basis with a good feeling and a sense of belonging. That is often difficult to do when you have "active" boys and girls.
Posted by Beth Rigsbee | June 13, 2007 3:48 PM
Posted on June 13, 2007 15:48
Renee,
How fortunate for your sister that you are so understanding and emotionally supportive!
Yes,more and more of "us" are struggling just to exist and still maintain some semblance of order in our lives, especially when we have children to nurture. Many middle/upper middle class families suffer stress from a lack of financial security much less the families who live in poverty in our country. Yes, I too could hardly read this chapter because it brought to mind all my students who live in such poverty that their parents/guardians have no energy or time to devote to bedtime stories. I ache for "our" children, the children of poverty, the children of the middle class who struggle but still do not find the time or energy, and (even) the "advantaged" children who come home to well-intentioned nannies or babysitters rather than to their own parents. The expectations of parenting then fall to the classroom teacher who must provide nurturing in addition to instruction. This is a tough time to be a classroom teacher.......but a time that allows us, as educators, to contribute significantly to the future, to the young people who will shape that future.
Betsy Baldwin
Posted by Betsy Baldwin | June 13, 2007 6:26 PM
Posted on June 13, 2007 18:26
Renee,
How often at school do we say to each other..."that child gets no attention at home", or "his mom has to work all the time", ect. So many of our children as you said are like Laurie. Home life explains so much. I was discussing my students with a peer in one of our classes and telling her how my students have no one at home to advocate for them...that they come from single parent homes, or live with grandmother, aunt ect. She brought up the point that she comes from a school with higher economic based families and she often says her children have no one at home either...that parents are sometimes too busy with other things to give their children attention. We wear many hats as educators, parent, counselor, nurse, advocate. I guess we just must continue to do so.
Posted by Sarah McMillan | June 13, 2007 6:54 PM
Posted on June 13, 2007 18:54
Renee,
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I too grew up in a working class family. If we had difficulties or hard times, we didn’t know it. If so, my parents camouflaged it very well. As for these days and the country’s economic situation, times has changed our financial situation. It is a struggle for single parents, divorcees, and two-parent homes. Yet, it is harder on the single/divorced parents with child (ren). Our students are in circumstances and situations that are beyond their control. They need a place to retreat to and feel comfortable, safe, and loved. School is that place that provides structure and stability for these children. Just as you give your sister support, we must do the same for our students.
Posted by Shirley Mathis | June 13, 2007 10:11 PM
Posted on June 13, 2007 22:11
It is a good question to wonder what was frustrating Laurie. I think Hicks makes some good interpretations based on her research data. Your own musings made me think about how some teachers may make quick, easy, and therefore inaccurate assumptions about what might be going on with one of their students that causes them to "act out." I believe it to be a mark of humbleness if teachers can look behind the child to the "situated histories and contexts" and find out what is really going on.
Alecia
Posted by Prof. Alecia Jackson | June 14, 2007 4:40 PM
Posted on June 14, 2007 16:40