Heartbroken
My heart broke as I read of Laurie’s desire for a daddy. I can’t imagine what that is like. Her mom is trying to better herself by attending college at night, but Laurie is in need of desperate attention. As a teacher, I see so many students who are like Laurie. That is why it is so important for us to know our children. We can be aware of their needs and issues going on in their lives. I come from a home with two parents, dad who worked and mom stayed home until my brother and I were both in school, then went back to work as a teacher assistant. My brother was a troubled boy during school (and afterwards too) who needed supervision, encouragement, and constant attention. I, like Laurie, craved that attention and often sought it from male students. Fortunately for me, I was the good girl at school and home. I breezed through school with relative ease, even in AP classes in high school. After many broken hearts and unhappy relationships, I was able to see, eventually, that the person who I needed to really make happy was myself. This was not an easy thing since I lived earlier for the longing of acceptance from my parents. In my mind I was not as important enough or didn’t have struggles that needed attention. My parents saw me as self sufficient and let me be. I longed for attention for boys in the wrong ways, like I see in Laurie’s story. Most of the children I teach are college bound and I know that they will face many obstacles in their school careers. I try to get them to see that boys and girls, friends, and fades come and go. The one that they are left with is themselves. The only person that they have to please is them. I share this message with my students each year. Laurie’s story is so troubling. I am afraid that she sees boyhood affection as the driving force behind her existence. I wander if her mother talks constantly of men or if it just perceived by Laurie to be so important. My husband grew up with an alcoholic father who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to his wife and children. His relationship with his father has scarred him as well. I often ponder is it better to have a dad who is mistreating, or no dad at all? To me it seems that they are both horrible experiences, but then again what if you have one that doesn’t pay you attention, but you know loves you. Is there any perfect scenario for family life? I think that you glean what you can from your family and then make choices that put you on your own path. Those choices are up to you.
I think that girls are growing up feeling more self confident and not relying on relationships to define who they are as much. I believe that the women’s movement has opened society’s eyes that women are an intricate part in the global world, not just homemakers. I do think that this message is slowly filtering down to the working class, and it does take longer. Laurie’s mom is trying to set the example by earning her degree and reading to her nightly. However, mom needs to let Laurie know that her job is to be a child, not the mommy to her siblings. Laurie sees herself as a grown up at home and has carried this over to school play (like her actions of slapping Steven and caressing his face). I think that if Laurie’s mind was free and not bogged down with home issues that she could more actively attend to school instruction. I truly believe that Laurie’s home life is weighing her education down, which can result in devastating effects.
Also I want to applaud the decisions made by Laurie’s second grade to teacher to use materials on the children’s levels instead of the prescribed reading series deemed appropriate by the county mandate. We as teachers should be allowed to use materials on non grade level for struggling or advanced readers. I believed that our job is to motivate all students to be the best they can be, but placing them in material too challenging can cause students like Laurie to shut down, as she did, or material that is too easy will hamper a child’s growth.
Amy Reep
Comments (6)
Amy,
I too was heartbroken when I read more details about Laurie’s life in chapters 3 & 4. Children mimic what they see at home and tend to carry those beliefs and morals with them as they grow. I am a firm believer that parents play the most important role in a child’s education. What they see valued at home is what they will value. Sadly some children are faced with difficult home situations which overlap into their school work. This makes it even more challenging for teachers to try to meet all the diverse needs of our students. I also liked the fact that Laurie’s 2nd grade teacher chose to teach the students on their own level. So many time schools adopt new programs that teachers are supposed to implement. It is nice to work at a school that allows you to implement what will work with your student and not the new fade going through the school system. As teachers we have a large task of implement a variety or sources that fit a variety of needs. I think a lot of times this is a trial and error process. I think much like Laurie was given choice in her writing teachers need more choice in what they teach and when they teach it.
Posted by Emily Rhoney | June 23, 2010 4:50 PM
Posted on June 23, 2010 16:50
Laurie's desire for her daddy broke my heart to pieces. I could not imagine living my life without my daddy growing up and it was devastating when he passed away. I long for him to be here daily, and I turn to other male figures to fill the void of a father, but not a dad. In Laurie's life she longs for attention in the wrong way in our eyes from males, as do other children in our classrooms. As teachers we can only do our best to give these children guidance and support and an ear to listen, in hopes something we do changes their path. As school we have a program called Girls on the Run and before graduate school I was a coach. During this program the girls participating were taught about self esteem, drugs, the hard topics in life, and we were there to listen and help guide their self discoveries. Laurie’s life and challenges might have been better if she had just a small amount of attention from a school or community group like Girls on the Run.
Meredith
Posted by Meredith Bromley | June 23, 2010 5:38 PM
Posted on June 23, 2010 17:38
Amy, I enjoyed reading your post as I can relate to it so well. I grew up in what I thought was a fairly secure homelife but still grew up needing to please others before myself. I was the good girl that everyone loved, unfortunately it wasn't really me they loved but the girl I thought I was supposed to be. Laurie was the same way trying to find where she fit into all this. I think maybe her writings helped her make some sense of what she felt versus what she was taught. What a struggle for us all!
Posted by Linda Bohland | June 23, 2010 7:20 PM
Posted on June 23, 2010 19:20
Amy, I know what it is like to grow up without a father. My daddy died in a car wreck when I was 3 days old. In fact, he was en route to the hospital to bring us home when he was in a head-on collision and died upon impact. Without that male role model I made some very bad choices in my late teens. I married too young and spent 15 years in a very bad relationship. I can tell you from my and my children's experience that no daddy at all is better than an abusive one. While this is tough for me to write, it makes me stronger.
Posted by Karen Chester | June 23, 2010 9:24 PM
Posted on June 23, 2010 21:24
Amy,
You talked a lot in your post about fathers. Laurie longed for a father to fulfill everything she lacked in her homelife. You asked if it would be better to have no father or to have an abusive one. I really don't know. I lived with both my parents and got attention equally (I was an only child though). I think I would probably rather have no father than a mean or abusive one. I think Laurie struggled so much at home and had to act much more grown up than she really was. She thought a daddy could solve all her family problems. I do think that Laurie's family life had a huge impact on her learning. I wonder about her being diagnosed ADD as well. I wonder if it was her mama's way of calming her down at home? She seemed like she did better without medicine at school. I don't think Laurie's teacher or any teacher for that matter, should completely stick with the "county textbook." Teachers should be allowed to choose reading materials to meet the needs of their students. No teacher should be forced to only use a basal reader that is too hard or too easy for some of his or her students.
~Jamie Brackett
Posted by Jamie Brackett | June 23, 2010 10:16 PM
Posted on June 23, 2010 22:16
Amy,
Like you my heart broke for Laurie. It bothers me to know how many children struggle at school and at home. Laurie wanted what she didn't have a dad. She longed for that father daughter bond. Like you I grew up with both my mom and dad. I have always been very close to my dad. He was the person I turned to when I didn't get my way with my mom. My dad was always on my side. My mother was very strict but my dad had a soft side.
I was proud of Laurie's second grade teacher also for letting Laurie read material on her grade level. I know it is additional work for the teacher but our job is to educate all of our students. Reading groups, and small group instruction works so well in a classroom. Pam Aubuchon
Posted by Pam Aubuchon | June 24, 2010 7:32 PM
Posted on June 24, 2010 19:32