RES 5530: Race, Class, and Gender in Literacy Research (Spring 2009)

"Where I grew up, learning was a collective activity. But when I got to school and tried to share learning with other students that was called cheating. The curriculum sent the clear message to me that learning was a highly individualistic, almost secretive, endeavor. My working class experience . . . was disparaged." ~ Henry A Giroux, Border Crossings

I think without realizing it I began teaching quite blindly. I grew up in a privledged home - I have no doubt about it. School seemed to be a continuation of the values that I learned at home. I fit in perfectly. I knew that I was expected to listen, complete my assignments, and come home to finish my homework each day. When I got home either my mom or dad would be there. they would continue to instill the importance of school by either asking me to start my homework (my dad) or actually sitting down to study with me (my mom). Both of my parents worked hard but they always talked to my brother and I about how important school should be to us. Going to college was always something that I knew would happen. By the time I got to high school everything I did was focused on getting ready for college. Unlike Laurie I never felt that I had to 'deal' with my home life. I do realize that I learned to be the 'good student'. I yearned to be the student that the teacher asked to take notes to other teachers or run errands for them. I also wanted to get the best grades because I noticed that teachers loved that in a student. A student that seemed to learn from them and learn well was their favorite kind of studnet. I think these experiences actually made me quite naive about how my classroom would be. My first month of teaching kindergarten was quite interesting. I realized quickly that my students' experiences were quite different from my own and that expecting them to know what I knew as I started school was unfair. Over time and with the help of my AMAZING assistant I learned to negotiate my way through the year. By the middle of the year I had learned to appreciate what my students' had to offer and began to differentiate instruction because of the vast literacy experiences in my room. Kindergarten is one of the hardest places at times because it is in kindergarten that you realize how vast the differences in students can be - you can tell which have had rich literacy experiences and which have not. However, no matter what they all still need those same experiences with their teachers.

I think the hardest part for me when I began to collect my own data was keeping my teaching me seperate from my research me. I see that same struggle with Hicks. From the first moments of thinking about my dissertation, I feared that struggle. As a teaching and more specifically as a teacher of reading, it is SO SO SO hard not to step in and work with a student when I notice their struggles. However, as soon as I step in whether to offer advice or actually teach a student, I change my entire research project. I think Hicks probably had to think carefully about how her research would change as soon as she began to help Laurie. I am glad she decided to step in because for a little bit at the beginning of the chapter I was getting angry. I kept thinking about how easy it would be to offer a little additional support while she was there but then I realized that her observations would change completely as soon as she did so. Feeling this struggle between observer and participant obeserver is hard but it has led me to see that I would be more comfortable in an action research format where I could actually implement change and watch how it works. Yet, I feel it's important to have experiences where you watch and learn because it helps you to see what is really happening and allows you to learn more about the learning process and what teachers can do to change it.

My last comments relate to the quote that I chose - Laurie excelled when she could interact with others in the learning process. She was able to learn and engage in learning when it was collection effort. However, once she left kindergarten much of the learning was focused on the individual. I see this happening quite often in the upper grades. Little group work is conducted because it is too hard to organize or kids don't work well together or, and this is my favorite, it is just too noisy. BUT group work has such value and importance. Sure, the first few times it is done, it will be messy and louder than usually. BUT the more the studnets try it, the more we fine tune it, the better it gets. Once students learn that there are expectations for group work, their work will improve and they can learn quite alot in the process. My undergrads are terrified of doing group work because they don't see it in their classrooms and their teachers tell them it doesn't work - or "this group just can't work together". Once I finally get my undergrads to give it a try, they wind up loving it and they begin to see that their students can do it. THey learn how to monitor, how to guide expectations and how to teach their students to listen and learn from one another. Yes, it is messy and loud but shouldn't all teaching and learning be a little messy and loud.

Amie Snow