RES 5530: Race, Class, and Gender in Literacy Research (Spring 2009)

There are times in life when the question of knowing if one can think differently than one thinks,
and perceive differently than one sees,
is absolutely necessary if one is to go on looking and reflecting at all.
Michel Foucault

This quote by Michel Foucault sums up nicely the transformation that this course has caused for me. I am going to be very honest here, and I hope that this transformation shows. When I first signed up for this course, I thought “ok, this is going to be an easy a, all I have to do is read the materials and blog”. I didn’t think in a million years that my perceptions or opinions were going to be changed at all. I have grown up in a very “don’t believe all the liberal mumbo jumbo, just do your work and make your a” kind of life. I thought this was what I was going to do. I, at first, was not willing to “think differently”. However, as much as I tried to ignore it, and maybe didn’t even recognize, my way of thinking and perceiving was indeed changing.
I believe that my beliefs and perceptions were first called into question when we read about the two Native American children. I read and respected the other articles before this one, but was still having a hard time making a connection with race being an issue. Perhaps it was Zonnie’s connection to poetry and her teacher’s inability to see this that really got me thinking about my literary experiences, especially with my own passion for poetry. When her teacher said that she didn’t know what was going on in her head, I found myself screaming “look at her poems”. I was outraged that someone so talented would be so stifled by standardized testing and education. I began to look into the bigger picture and bring in all of my previous learning of different cultures and lives. I began to change my way of thinking.
This process of change continued on and again, really hit a milemarker with Hicks’ writing. The stories of Laurie and Jake made a profound impact on my life. I started to really reassess my ideas about some of my students. I had always tried to be compassionate, but I wonder now if I was unable to reach some students because I had no idea of how to connect with them.
Now, everyday that I walk into my school, I see Lauries and Jakes running around. I find myself gathering more information about what is going on in their lives so that I can better help them deal with the demands of education. I approach everything in a more understanding manner than I ever have before. I don’t make excuses for them, but I am sensitive to their situation.

The teachings of this class and the inquiry into my own personal beliefs and methods came to a culminating experience for me the other day that sums up what I feel I have learned and I would like to share it with you all. I have a child in my class that comes from an abusive, alcohol driven, bipolar family. This child is very smart, but has a dangerous amount of anger built up and can be extremely aggressive. Before Easter break, he was suspended when another teacher in my grade level attempted to “teach him a lesson” about his actions outside of school at a local Easter egg hunt. The child snapped, and was suspended to his wreck of a home life for five days. We got back from break, and he didn’t come back. I asked his sister, and she said he didn’t want to. I began worrying more and more about this child. I talked to the school counselor trying to do a home visit, but I think they felt a since of relief upon his absence. This past Tuesday, his mother and grandmother pulled up with him in the car. He was kicking, punching, screaming out obscenities, to the point where the sheriff had been called. Both the counselor and the principal went out to try and get him into the school and he would not budge. I asked them for a chance to try. I went outside, and just talked to this angry little boy. I was honest and told him that I had been worried about him as tears welled up in my eyes. I told him about all of the neat stuff we were doing like planting flowers for mother’s day, and I showed him the ones I had planted for him. Then, I explained to him why this mattered. I told him that I knew his life was tough, and that I could never imagine what he had been through, but that education with people who cared could be his way out. I reminded him of all of the people we had read about in class, like Hellen Keller, and Martin Luther King Jr. and how their lives were hard but how they overcame their obstacles. I related his situation to the literacy we had shared in class to show him how education could change a life. I asked him, not told him, to give education another chance. I offered him my hand and together, we stepped back into our school.

I wonder if, two years ago I would have done this, if I would have been able to see how much this child needed a safe place and how much he just needed someone who cared. The truth is, I don’t know. But I do know that on Tuesday, I made a difference and got a child to buy back into education, all by changing my perception and using this change to guide my practice as a teacher.
I am very thankful for this class, for these readings, and for all of the wonderful stories and feedback you all have given. I am glad that my perceptions and beliefs have been changed and I am now a better teacher because of it.
Whitney Gilbert